Mike Ditka wasn't exactly a patient man. Chicago Bears fans knew it, opposing coaches knew it, and the players who spent their Sundays getting screamed at by him certainly knew it.
But some of the best stories about Ditka never made it onto television.
During a recent episode of QB Confessions, former Bears quarterback Jim McMahon and several of his former teammates recalled some of their favorite encounters with the legendary coach. One involved a backup quarterback, an interception, an apology and a Bible.
Yes, a Bible.
And somehow, that wasn't even the strangest part.
Jay Hilgenberg tells Mike Ditka story involves an unforgettable confrontation
The Bears had a quarterback problem in 1984. McMahon was injured, Steve Fuller went down, and suddenly Rusty Lisch found himself running an offense he barely knew.
During a game against the San Diego Chargers, Ditka gave Lisch one instruction that apparently wasn't open for negotiation.
Don't call an audible.
Lisch called one anyway.
The result was an interception, followed by a sideline confrontation that quickly got out of hand.
According to the players, Ditka unloaded on Lisch with just about every insult imaginable. The quarterback was so upset that he refused to return to the field until his coach apologized and promised to stop cursing at him.
There was just one small problem. Chicago's offense was already taking the field, and nobody was playing quarterback.
"So I run out on the field and we only got 10 guys," former Bears center Jay Hilgenberg chimed in.
Eventually, a timeout was called while Ditka worked through the unusual situation.
And somehow, the famously stubborn coach actually apologized.
Lisch returned to the game, but anyone who thought Ditka had suddenly discovered his softer side was in for a surprise.
Ditka wasn't finished with Rusty Lisch
Chicago lost the game, and the Bears boarded their flight home.
Lisch, whom his teammates described as a deeply religious man, was sitting quietly with his Bible open around 3 a.m.
Ditka approached him.
"I hope you can find something on there in there about finding a [expletive] job cuz your [expletive] is out of here tomorrow morning," Hilgenberg recalled Ditka telling Lisch.
So much for that apology.
The players couldn't stop laughing as they remembered the incident, although they also acknowledged that Lisch had been placed in a nearly impossible situation.
"He had no idea what our offense is," Hilgenberg explained.
Lisch had been forced into action because Chicago was running out of healthy quarterbacks. He wasn't prepared to take over the offense, and his teammates knew it.
Ditka, apparently, wasn't in the mood to consider those circumstances.
Jim McMahon remembers Ditka doing something even more ridiculous
Another story involved McMahon dealing with an injured hand before a game against Green Bay.
Ditka wanted his quarterback to play. Badly.
How badly?
He reportedly started helping McMahon get dressed.
"He's pulling his pants up," a Hilgenberg recalled, describing Ditka's determination to get his injured quarterback onto the field.
Another remembered the coach tucking in McMahon's shirt.
It's difficult to imagine many NFL head coaches today personally dressing their starting quarterback before a game. Ditka apparently saw nothing unusual about it.
McMahon also recalled how his coach would become furious whenever the quarterback made a successful play that wasn't called from the sideline.
During one memorable game against Minnesota, McMahon threw to an open receiver rather than following the designed screen pass.
The play worked. Chicago scored.
Ditka still wasn't happy.
"Why the [expletive] did you throw it to Willie?" McMahon recalled his coach demanding.
McMahon's explanation was about as straightforward as it gets.
"Well, he was open. We scored."
Apparently, putting points on the scoreboard wasn't always enough to satisfy Ditka.
There was something wonderfully chaotic about those Bears teams. McMahon wasn't afraid to challenge his coach, Ditka wasn't afraid to challenge anybody, and the rest of the locker room had a front-row seat to the arguments.
Yet that collection of personalities eventually delivered Chicago its first Super Bowl championship.
Four decades later, the stories are still coming out.
And judging by the laughter during this conversation, there are probably a few more that Bears fans haven't heard.
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