Imagining your favorite Chicago Bears as fireworks

What kind of firework would your favorite Chicago Bears player be?

Where has the first half of the year gone already fellow Chicago Bears fans? Despite largely being stuck inside for the last few months due to a national pandemic, the first half of the year has sprinted past us.

In just a few short weeks, if all goes according to plan, your Monsters of the Midway will be reporting for training camp in the hopes of playing a 2020 season (with or without fans).

Certainly, you are champing at the bit to see your favorite players suit up and take the field and do what they do best. So with the 4th of July coming up, we thought we’d have some fun and imagine some of our favorite players as popular fireworks. We kick things off with the figurative “firecracker” himself.

Tarik Cohen – Bottle Rocket

Maybe the easiest Bear to reimagine as a firework, Tarik Cohen would most certainly be a bottle rocket. Think about it. If you’ve ever been around when a bottle rocket is set off, you know that by the time you hear it whizzing by, it’s too late — you’ve already missed it. Even if you look up as soon as you hear the whistling, you may barely catch some sparks falling back to earth.

The same applies to Tarik. By the time the cornerback hears him whiz past, it’s already too late — he’s already three steps behind and staring at Cohen’s back as he streaks down the field.

Khalil Mack – M80

If you were a kid playing with fireworks for the first time, you knew to stay away from M80s until you were old enough to properly handle them. You probably saw just how powerful and explosive they were after someone put one inside a watermelon or something else fun to blow up.

Whatever it was, it was a stark reminder not to play around with an M80, and that if you’re not careful, it can wreck your whole world. Sounds a lot like Khalil Mack who has been wrecking opposing offensive lines his entire career. He’s powerful and explosive and if you don’t handle with extreme care, you could wind up severely injured.

Mitchell Trubisky – Jumping Jax

When I think of Mitchell Trubisky the first firework that comes to mind are Jumping Jax. You might also know them as “ground spinners.” When you light them, they spin around on the ground, hopping just a bit while they emit a bunch of sparks and flames. However, you’re left wanting much more.

Much like Mitch whose second year had flashes of greatness but often left fans wanting a little bit more. Just like Jumping Jax, Mitch has emitted sparks at times but his career just hasn’t gotten off the ground.

Allen Robinson – Roman Candles

Maybe the toughest Bear to categorize as a firework is Allen Robinson. Ultimately, though, I settled on the Roman Candle because he’s flashy, explosive and versatile. A-Rob can line up anywhere on the field and can beat you short just as easily as he can beat you deep. He can beat you with his route running as effectively as he can outmuscle you for the ball.

Similarly, Roman Candles can be planted in the ground, tied to spinning wheels, or fired like a cannon. But no matter how you use it, just like Robinson, you’re going to be pleased with the results.