Q&A Part 2: The heavy stuff
When you first found out you had cancer, what were your initial thoughts?
Garth: “Not me. Can’t be. Do the tests over!” As my wife sat in the corner weeping, I felt an unbelievable amount of guilt putting her through this. I actually understood for the first time, the idea of wanting to push someone away so she would leave me and not have to go through the pain of watching me fight this and possibly die.
Of course, she was going no where. She is as tough as they come, and buckled down to take the ride with me. By day three, I had my head back together and was thinking, “O.K. God, let’s kick this thing’s ass.” And I never looked back.
You are a pastor, entrepreneur, and a huge weight lifter. Your daily routine was certainly impacted, but you continued “the grind.” Explain a typical day for you during chemo.
Garth: My oncologist gave me great advice early on. He said to keep my routine, even if I have to shorten it. His example was, if you work out every day for two hours, keep doing it. You may only be able to do it 30 minutes, but keep doing it. I really took it to heart and tried to keep my normal schedule but in bite-size chunks.
I would typically get up early due to nausea, diarrhea or heartburn. I would usually put in a chew of tobacco to help kill the taste of chemo in my mouth. I would drink some homemade juice made from kale, seaweed, broccoli, onions, etc. I would then go to the gym. I would try to work out for at least one hour, but the further chemo went on, the shorter it became.
I would feel weak, vomit often, run to the bathroom to change my underwear and clean up. By the end of the first eight months of chemo, I had lost about 100 pounds and was only working out about 30 minutes.
The rest of the day was as follows: Come home, take a nap, shower, try to eat something (this was always a battle), take a nap, work on a few things for church, read and pray.
I handed off all my emails to my mother, because they seemed overwhelming to me during this time and she yearned to help. The last few days before my next chemo I would start to feel a little better, so I tried to use those two days to go do something with my wife, like a movie or the bookstore.
Now, this was how the first cancer and chemo went. The second round was far worse. I was forced to do much more resting. The chemo for liver cancer was brutal and was thought of as just a way to prolong the inevitable… death in two years.
When the cancer came back a few years later in your liver, did your immediate thoughts differ from the first time? How so?
Garth: No matter how bad of a picture you have in your mind when you first hear the word ‘’cancer’,’ it can’t even begin to cover the emotion of hearing it a second time. Not only do you hear the words “it’s back,” but they are followed with the earth-shattering line:
”You may have two years to live.”
Again, my wife was a complete wreck. I was numb. We walked out of the doctor’s office talking about my funeral…I never saw that coming. We called my parents and told them and then had to tell my boys. All I knew at that point was I had to get things ready for the future, for when I am not around anymore.
I quickly became able to compartmentalize my life. I had two realistic options.
A) I will fight this and I will beat it.
B) If I die, I need to get things ready for my grandkids who I will never see. I need to get money set up for my wife and I need to have things ready to hand off to my boys to let them know how much I love them.
It is a weird mindset to have to juggle. Of course, a year later when I found out I had a brain tumor, it was again an opportunity to prioritize my life even more. The tumor was benign, but not without its share of hassles. In all of this, you must realize time is not guaranteed and you have to make the most of it.