Chicago Cubs: No, Kris Bryant isn’t going anywhere

It’s not hard to get Chicago Cubs fans into a tizzy or an outright panic. Suggesting the Cubs could trade Kris Byrant is certainly one way. But it won’t happen.

Not a day goes by I don’t mourn the loss of subtlety. Because then you wouldn’t have to deal with silliness and stupidity like yesterday that sent all Chicago Cubs fans to their nearest window. Buster Olney of ESPN decided to take something nuanced and subtle and fire several Tomahawks at it.

The quote from Cubs President Theo Epstein merely said the Cubs have a “no untouchables” policy. That means they always allow for the possibility that some GM has a gas leak in his office and would offer the moon and Jupiter for any of their players. It does not mean they’re calling or making offers.

But that didn’t stop Olney or ESPN or local beat reporter Jesse Rodgers from running with it and making it seem like the Cubs are shopping Kris Bryant.

Let’s string this out. The current gold-standard for any front office right now is cost-controlled, young players. They are what everyone is chasing. And Bryant is the best one in the league. He has three years left of that team control. He won’t make more than $12-14 million this year, $15-17 million next year, and maybe $20 million after that. All the while almost certainly putting up numbers that make him a $30 million player or more.

Maybe some think the Cubs are spooked that Bryant won’t sign an extension now. That’s laughable. They know that Bryant is a Scott Boras client. They know that Scott Boras clients don’t sign extensions. They’ve been prepared for this.

Maybe you think the Cubs are worried about what it will cost to sign Bryant in four years. Maybe they’re worried about luxury tax problems, you say as you’re literally frothing at the mouth and trying to remember how to feel again. One, there will be a new CBA when Bryant is a free agent, almost certainly with a higher luxury tax threshold. Or maybe not one at all.

Two, the Cubs will no longer be paying Ben Zobrist, Jon Lester, Jose Quintana, Cole Hamels their large contracts when that date rolls around. In fact, the only players with any commitments other than arbitration for 2022 are Yu Darvish and Jason Heyward. Needless to say, there’s room.

Ok, you want a scenario where this could happen? Maybe the Cubs know that Bryant’s shoulder is infested with tiny gerbils who won’t leave without armed rebellion. Maybe they think he’ll never be the same. Thing is, you’d have to tell the other team you’re trading with, making Bryant’s value just this side of bupkus. And you don’t want to be either side of bupkus.

Sure, maybe the Angels, inhaling all the fumes from the California wildfires, decide to call and offer Mike Trout and Shohei Otani for Bryant. You’d have to listen to that. But that’s about the only scenario.

So calm down. Kris Bryant is not going to be traded. Players of Bryant’s quality don’t get traded unless they’re for a 24-year-old Clayton Kershaw harvested from the past. While the media and most of the world don’t deal in nuance or subtlety, the Cubs most certainly do. And especially Theo Epstein does.

So close the window, come back inside, and relax. #17 isn’t going anywhere and will be manning that line at Wrigley for the next decade.